Christmas, and how to celebrate it.

An event that the population of many countries enjoy. It is about love, joy and giving toys to your kids so they'll stop whining for the rest of the day. It is Christmas.

"But how does one celebrate this glorious event of joy and getting things for free, Awesome Dino?"

Easy as pie(and as delicious if you buy some), all you need is a TON of money depending on how many people you're giving presents to. And even then you still need a ton of money depending on the size of your house/apartment.

Now, if you're buying someone presents, make sure to ask them what they want. Otherwise you just wasted your money, not to mention they'll be pissed for the rest of the day. Then go out to the store AT LEAST A MONTH EARLY, and with a lot of cash. The Christmas rush has destroyed many hopes for good presents. Also, don't buy anything fancy for yourself. The less presents you give, the less you receive next year. Once you've gotten the presents, bring them home at night. If the stores are closed by then, tell your friend/spouse/kids that they'll get an assful of foot unless they get out of the room. Then the important part, wrapping the presents. Colors aren't an issue, but the strength of the paper is. You'll want something really strong so nobody can sneak a peek. Or if you don't want that because it's too hard to open, wrap it twice, with cardboard separating the two layers. That might seem a little extreme, but it sure is effective. Not only will scratching at it be easy to hear, but it'll also take forever. Much easier to open, as you'll only need a strong knife(or an elaborate opening mechanism of some sort, but then we've got the same problem). The weaker the cardboard, the easier it is to open. You can also tightly wrap the cardboard in plastic, but I'll just stop now.

There's no fun in having presents without a Christmas tree, however. You'll need to buy one as well(unless you live near a pine forest). Christmas trees, or pine trees, are like roses. Slap them and they'll slap back(only pines don't have the temper of roses). That's why you shouldn't get pissed at the tree when it falls over and destroys your pretty decorations. Speaking of decorations, you'll need to buy those as well. A Christmas tree is nice on it's own, but it's still lacking that extra "Umph" that makes it perfect. Buy colored lights(might want to do some research first so you don't get the stock lights), some colored balls(NO DON'T PUT PAINT ON THERE), and all sorts of ribbons, bonds and sparkly things to make everything FAAABULOOOUTH. Now your Christmas tree and house are both pretty. Or messy, depending on your decorating skills.

"So I've got the fancy tree, the cheat-safe boxes of materialistic happiness under the tree as well as a nice house. That's all I need to use money on, right Awesome Dino?"

NEVER! You still need to eat, silly, and what's better than a fancy dinner?

"Pizza?"

Touché.

Anyway, a fancy dinner won't cut it. Even it will need decoration, among other things, to be both fancy and tasty. And no, I'm not saying you should splatter it onto the Christmas tree.

"Oh. Whoops."

Ughh...

So, the way you decorate your dindins is not part of my handsomely glorious expertise ( ) so you might as well just get a cookbook for that. If you're lazy and uneducated in terms of the art of cooking/burning down your house, go with a pizza. If you're a nerd and you have nerd friends, a LAN party is a great way to sit around the dinner table with your laptops, enjoying a nice pizza and opening presents.

"So I've finally found the friends, bought the presents, decorated the house, eaten the food and opened the presents. Is that it?"

Certainly. Wasn't that just great?

"Not really, considering I accidentally stabbed a dog I was getting through the cardboard when I tried to open the box, and then my girlfriend broke up with me. She then proceeded to break all the decorations, knock over the tree and throw the dinner in my face. Oh, and she burned my presents. And my wallet. And my peni-"

AND THAT IS it for this guide to Christmas celebration, hope you enjoyed.

Awesome story.

"...and my peni-"

LOL

YourMother wrote:

Awesome story.

"...and my peni-"

LOL

Awesome Dinosaurs make Awesome Stories. And, being the only Awesome Dinosaur here, I will have no competition. BOW BEFORE ME

Kind of like how I celebrated a classic Thanksgiving.

I invited all my neighbors over, had a huge feast, and then killed them and stole their land.

yaaaaaaaaay murder cough CELEBRATION i mean of course.

Murderbration is a wonderful thing, is it not?